Why do we help each other?

You’re walking on the street and you see a person struggling to carry some bags to the car. What happens at that point? Why some people will help that person and others won’t?

Assume you don’t know that person. Why would you help someone you don’t know? Any human knows what suffering is, and hence knows that person is suffering. But how much is that person really suffering? How much do you suffer when you struggle to carry bags? Have you ever carried bags? Most likely. Now imaging that person’s suffering is due to alcoholism. How do you measure the suffering if you’ve never been or known an alcoholic? People that have gone through the same suffering are more likely to help each other. This creates groups of shared suffering: alcoholics, war veterans, single mothers, struggling bag-carrying people, …

Would you be more likely to help the person if it resembles someone close to you? Maybe your grandmother? Seems reasonable to think an elderly person would be suffering more than a young person. But how much of this process is impulsive? How much do you think before helping that person? Do you think about the consequences of helping that person? Are you making that person ashamed, weak?

Is suffering a manifestation of chaos? When you see that person struggle, is it in its root the same as when you see a black speck in a white surface? That is, something does not fit in the typical order of things. Why do you fix it? Because creating order is meaningful. You help that person, and then you smile. You clean the speck, and then you smile. Because you’re useful, you’ve solved a problem, you’ve created order. Is there a moment where you don’t feel this urge anymore, when you’re already satisfied with how many things you’ve fixed that day, that week or maybe in your lifetime? I certainly don’t see that moment, and I’m happy I don’t.

OK, so why does an alternative version of you not help that person? Assume you can and you have time. You think about the consequences, you don’t want that person to feel useless, you think that struggle will make that person stronger. OK. You think someone else will help that person. OK. Remember Kitty Genovese. You’re not sure whether that person is struggling, and you’re afraid you may disturb that person when you shouldn’t. OK. These reasons are fair.

So why do some people laugh at others’ suffering? Why do some people condescend others that are struggling to learn? Superiority? “That person is struggling to carry their bags, I’m sure I wouldn’t, I’m better than that person, I feel good”. Another reason: you want that person to go through the same suffering you’ve gone through, because there needs to be more people like you for others to realise how tough you’re. You want that abyss of chaos to be seen. I’m sure there’s a little fairy in some people’s minds that rejoices on others’ suffering, but I certainly hope this fairy is not asleep in the rest of us.